That’s right folks! Its that time of the week again when the wise sage that is Hondo Ohnaka gives you help with the problems that have been weighing on your mind. Let’s kick off those shoes and relax – Hondo is here to help ease your worried mind! It’s Help from Hondo time!


Dear Hondo,

My friend is having relationship problems and I don’t know if I should say anything. She just met him less than a week ago, coincidentally after striking up a really great friendship with an older dude who kind of filled the role of her father (she’s got a lot of family issues, I’m sure you aren’t very interested in that).

So anyway, after meeting him he like, right off the bat starts demanding to know everything about her life. Pretty controlling right? What her friends know, what they talk about, who they are, where they are. Then, turns out her new “dad” is actually this guy’s estranged father! He confronts him cause he doesn’t really agree with his son’s lifestyle choices, but this dude was having NONE of it and just kills his dad! Right in front of her! I mean, I get it, it’s his dad to kill not hers, but kinda screwed up.

Anyway she was really upset, so we went and confronted him about it and he decided to go all crazy and violent on me! Calling me some traitor or whatever? Like, dude, I’m not obligated to be your wingman. I tried to fight him off, but I haven’t really been hitting the gym lately (I have a life and stuff). My girl did a great job getting us out of there though. It doesn’t stop there. We had brunch and she said things were over so I thought that was the end. She even went on one of those all-inclusive island vacations to get her mind off him. Turns out he just kept calling her over and over forcing her to hear him out. I don’t know where this guy gets his money, but all those long distance charges must be crazy. So my friend ends up feeling sorry for him and thinking she can go “change” him. *insert eye roll* She goes to his place and his elderly roommate is just like, a complete jerk to her. I get it, old people are sometimes kind of rude but this was being hella extra. Things escalate and get a little out of hand…and dude kills his roommate too! I mean, we thought he was this nice guy taking care of an senior citizen.

He has other friends who live in this big house too (epic bachelor pad). They hear all this and come running in to throw down cause like, this dude was like everyone’s grandpa right? My friend and this guy fight them all off and things finally calm down. So here is where things get dicey. She asks him to come home and meet her “family” (which really just consists of all her friends). He turns around and says he did some serious googling and that she has no family and that her parents where just nobodies and that they are dead and that she’s a nobody too. Completely tearing her down. She started crying cause I mean, that’s effed up right? But he says that she’s not nobody to him and wants to go and kill all of her family with her. Obviously, she said no and left.

She says she’s done with him but I don’t know if I should sit down and seriously talk to her about all this? She already went back once and that didn’t turn out too well. I mean, I also found a girlfriend recently so I’m a little busy right now.

Sincerely, Kind of a Big Deal

Hondo says: wow you are kind of a Big Deal, and you write a big letter. Ha! I jest of course my friend, you know how old Hondo likes a little joke. This is quite a predicament your friend is in. Luckily I think I have the ideal solution. I know a certain gentleman Pirate (psst – it is I Hondo!) who may be interested in a new crew member. Your friend obviously is pretty handy with her fists – as you know sometimes my clientele need a little persuasion on occasion (ooh that rhymes!) – she likes traveling across the galaxy, plus I may be able to fulfill the role of a father figure she seems to need in some way! As you know I already fulfill a similar role for young Bridger. I see this as my way of giving back to the youth the benefit of my knowledge and experience! Ah yes, they all come to Hondo for a mentoring hand. I’m happy to provide it, and often it is a mutually beneficial experience – I help them out, and they can often help me out when I get into a pickle! Yes, the more I think about this, the more I realise that a pirate’s life would be ideal for your young friend! You are welcome – I’m only to happy to help!

Hands Holding Mentor

Dear Hondo,

I’m a little embarrassed and hope maybe you can help me out. Everyone keeps talking about hubris to me…and I don’t know what that word means! Can you help a pal out and enlighten me?

You are my only hope, signed Jar Jar Gabor

Ho Ho! You have come to the right place of course. Hubris is a tasty little dip, often served in the galaxy’s eating establishments. It’s a simple little affair consisting of mashed chickpeas, blended with tahini, maybe even a dash of olive oil, lemon juice, salt and garlic if you are a lucky ducky! Very tasty. Obviously I am a man of the world and am used to dining in a range of fine establishments – don’t be ashamed my friend – not everyone can sample the culinary delights of the galaxy like old Hondo here! You are welcome!!



Okay! That’s it from Hondo for this week! Thank you to all of you who wrote in and we are sorry we couldn’t get Hondo to answer all your mail this week. As you will appreciate he is very busy with his legitimate business interests. We will get to them eventually.

Do you have a problem that Hondo can help you with? Contact us with your woes on Twitter at @partisancantina or e-mail us at  -remember to use the hashtag #WeeklyWeequayWisdom.




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